I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
