Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
