what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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