Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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