I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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