Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
