Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
