dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
