I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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