we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
