I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
