The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
