I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
420 ftw
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
