So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
