Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
