you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have already put on my inside pants.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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