That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
