do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize