man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
