Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
