you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
