I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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