its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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