Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
