I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
