I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
