No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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