i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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