Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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