break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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