oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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