Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
