There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
