Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
