Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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