Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
