just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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