summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
