seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
