There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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