I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
