Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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