am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize