wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
