Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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