Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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