i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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