Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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