remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize