What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish my penis had an off switch
bring money and cleavage
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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