I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
