Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
