How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
