You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
