i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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