I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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