I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
