I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
