Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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