it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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