do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
