Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was CRYING into my vagina
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
