So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
