if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
