i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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