You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize